


My Rugged Heart

by Nudelsuppe



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff, Hide is a street musician, M/M, Slow Build, Warnings May Change, kaneki is a shy librarian
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-20
Updated: 2015-07-12
Packaged: 2018-03-31 11:09:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3975847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nudelsuppe/pseuds/Nudelsuppe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every day he would stand there, playing tender notes and singing gentle words. The black-haired boy was captured by the way his fingers would move over the strings, creating soothing sounds which made his heart beat faster. Eyes like the melting sun wandered from person to person, radiating warmth and security.  He catched their attention like a siren would with its voice and Kaneki couldn’t stop himself from staring.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a co op story between the beautiful and skillful artist [blackberrymilkshake](http://blackberrymilkshake.tumblr.com//) and me!!
> 
>  
> 
> [Her drawing for this chapter](http://blackberrymilkshake.tumblr.com/post/119456906903/every-day-he-would-stand-there-playing-tender)

 

He took a deep breath and embraced the smell of ink, which spoke of untold adventures and mysteries. The scent promised him a new world to dive in, a request to find someone’s thoughts and experiences. The books around him were like an aging forest, each page holding new knowledge and wisdom. The aroma of the dusty strangers fought against the artificial crispness of the incomers and the black-haired boy mused about who would win.

 

It was a typical quiet morning and Kaneki enjoyed rummaging through the bookshelves of the library. He could lose himself between Mark Twain and Stephen King, didn’t get enough of Kafka and Takatsuki Sen. He didn’t need to leave the building to experience a tragic love story or a boat trip over the Mississippi. He could witness people’s lives without interacting with them. Working here was fun for the black-haired boy. He could talk to people who were interested in the same works as him, or just read all day. It was peaceful and whenever Kaneki entered the building he felt at home.

 

The visitors were often students in search of fitting literature for their exams and dissertations. Some people would get a good thriller or a gripping mystery from time to time, while other may visit the science-fiction and fantasy section. Kaneki recognized a few of the customers. They would come by often and take their time to exchange a few words with the black-haired boy. He found their conversations pleasant and wouldn’t say ‘no’ to an opportunity to talk about the newest work of Takatsuki Sen.  

 

All in all, Kaneki enjoyed his work. It was quiet and he could read every book he wanted. He didn’t felt lonely, because he still had his books.

 

As long as he could lose himself in other stories, he would be fine.

 

* * *

 

 

Hours passed and his sore neck told him to take a break from reading. Stretching his muscles, the black-haired boy winced upon hearing the cracking sound coming from his back.

 

Upon taking a look at his watch, Kaneki noticed it was time for lunch. Standing up from the table, the boy took his bag and walked towards the entrance, putting the book he had read back into its previous place.

 

Making sure that the library was locked, Kaneki thought about what he should eat. He could visit the cafe again he had found on his last walk through the city. _What was it called again? Something like antique…_

 

Nodding at his decision, the boy started walking towards the direction of the little cafe. He remembered the pleasant atmosphere and the nice but quiet waitress. She was beautiful and her purple hair caressed her face. Kaneki had thought of her as cute but hadn’t found the courage to ask her out. He knew his awkward and boring self and didn’t want to burden anyone with it.

 

Looking up at the sky, he watched the clouds passing by, one after another. He wondered what it felt like, being free and not caring for a thing. He had found his peace in books but he couldn’t get rid of the longing he felt. It was frustrating, not knowing what he yearned for.

 

A small smile lingered on his lips. He didn’t want to think like that but he guessed it was the influence of the books. Deep down the black-haired boy knew that he wanted to experience the things he had read about.

 

A soft melody snapped Kaneki out of his thoughts and he looked for the source.

 

Every day he would stand there, playing tender notes and singing gentle words. The black-haired boy was captured by the way his fingers would move over the strings, creating soothing sounds which made his heart beat faster. Eyes like the melting sun wandered from person to person, radiating warmth and security. Children would stop in front of him, listening to his music. He catched their attention like a siren would with its voice and Kaneki couldn’t stop himself from staring. Blond hair and brown roots looked messily into every direction and the librarian’s fingers twitched with the need to touch it.

 

Even though the blond wore such worn out and baggy clothes, the black-haired boy found a strange perfection in him. He was beautiful in his own special way and Kaneki couldn’t stop himself from comparing him to figures in the books he had read. But no description seemed fitting, no word could approach the feeling the blond gave him.

 

The moment their eyes met, the world seemed to freeze. Kaneki knew that he must have looked like a fish gasping for air but the blond still grinned at him like he always did. The black-haired boy didn’t know how, but warm brown never ceased to awaken grey and Kaneki found himself smiling back. It was rare and strange, feeling it reaching his eyes, but he found himself liking it.

 

The librarian forced his eyes away upon reaching his destination. Trying not to glance at the blond again, he entered the cafe. The closing door interrupted the beautiful melody and Kaneki found himself feeling disappointed. It was childish but he still glared at the door for cutting off the blond’s music.

 

_Get a grip on yourself, idiot._

Kaneki noticed that not many customers were visiting the cafe that day and relaxed slightly. He would rather enjoy his coffee in silence than with chatty teenagers around him.

 

The cute waitress from last time was standing behind the counter, cleaning cups and glasses. She looked up and sent the librarian a polite smile.

 

“Welcome to Anteiku!”

 

Kaneki, not trusting his own voice, only nodded and sat down at the table by the window. He could easily see the area outside the cafe and spotted the blond. The other boy was still playing his guitar and seeing his grin made Kaneki’s heart jump a little. The musician always looked so carefree and optimistic and the black-haired boy wondered how the blond was able to stay like that.

 

“—der?”

 

Kaneki flinched upon hearing the sudden voice and his head snapped up, looking for the source.

 

The waitress seemed to be surprised by his sudden movement and backed away slightly, looking at him with curiosity.

 

“I- I’m sorry if I scared you. I was lost in my thoughts…”, he apologized while scratching his cheek in embarrassment. Kaneki averted his gaze, afraid of her judgemental look. _Great job._

 

“It’s fine. I’m sorry for interrupting you. I wanted to ask if you would like to order.”, her gentle voice announced.

 

“J-just a coffee please.”, the librarian answered without looking up. Going bright red with shame, Kaneki tried to distract himself and pulled his book out of the bag. Founding his current page, he continued reading—or rather tried to.

 

Kaneki couldn’t stop himself from peering at the blond from time to time. The musician was still smiling brightly while playing, and the moment his eyes looked into the black-haired boy’s direction, Kaneki’s heart stopped a beat.

 

Hurrying to hide himself behind his book, the boy didn’t dare to look up. Had the blond found out he had been staring?! Had he noticed the way Kaneki was gawking? _Shit._

 

He murmured a quick “thanks” as soon as the waitress brought him his coffee, not daring to look up.

 

A few minutes passed and Kaneki had finally calmed down. After taking a deep breath, he decided to glance over the edge of his book, wondering if the blond had really looked at him.

 

Warm eyes and a smug grin awaited him and Kaneki couldn’t believe it. The wink gave him the finishing blow and if his face hadn’t been red before, he was sure he looked like a tomato now.

 

With the decision to never ever look at the blond again, Kaneki drank his coffee in record time and paid. His break wasn’t over for another 20 minutes but the librarian knew that he wouldn’t be able to find his peace in the presence of the musician.

 

Hesitation grasped him as soon as his hand touched the doorknob and Kaneki scolded himself. Why was he nervous? There was nothing to be afraid of. He just couldn’t afford another glance at the handsome and cool and fantastique and —

 

_Wait, what?_

 

Shaking his head, the black-haired boy tried to clear his mind and opened the door.

 

The sun was blinding and the sudden sounds of people chatting hit him like a train. He tried to ignore the crowd, gaze locked onto his shoes.

 

He could manage walking back to the library without looking up.

 

_Better said than done._

After walking a few steps he ran into a person. Apologizing, he tried to keep his paze up. The next collision didn’t take long and Kaneki found himself bumping into everyone walking past him. And if that wasn’t embarrassing enough, he could clearly hear the light laughter in the blond’s singing voice. The black-haired boy was sure he had caused it.

 

The blond had seen him running into every person possible.

 

Face burning and clearly red, the librarian tried to find his way through the crowd as fast as he could. He was almost running by the time he had reached an empty street.

 

His chest was burning from the unwanted exercise and it took him a few minutes to finally catch his breath again. Hand resting on his heart, Kaneki tried to calm down.

 

What an embarrassing day.

 

* * *

 

The black-haired boy had thought that being back in the calm and familiar environment of the library would help him clear his mind, but it looked like he couldn’t even find some comfort in the written tales.

 

He had already tried to distract himself with a good book but the handsome protagonist seemed to remind him of a certain someone he would rather not think of.

 

Sun. Warmth. Kindness. Smile. Home.

 

Kaneki couldn’t read a single sentence without associating a word with the blond. It was truly frustrating just how easily he had falle—

 

The librarian shook his head and slapped his cheeks. He hadn’t fallen in love. The black-haired boy hadn’t had a real crush on anyone since forever! And certainly not on a dumb street musician, who made children laugh and adults smile. Nope. Kaneki wouldn’t fall for such an idiot with his stupid beautiful voice and his hilarious lovely hair.

 

No, Kaneki wasn’t interested.

 

Definitely.

 

Sighing, the boy knew that he wouldn’t find the inner calmness to read. The librarian stood up and decided to dust off some bookshelves. There wasn’t anything else he could do.

 

* * *

 

The setting sun floated the room with breathtaking oranges and reds, eyes admiring the nature’s beauty in its sheer simplicity. It reminded him of one of the sunsets he had read about, vanishing behind the horizon and leaving the stars to shine down on the clear water of the ocean. It had almost sounded like a happy ending, wasn’t it for the mourning death of the protagonist in the novel. Kaneki had been entranced by the way beauty was described in the face of death, leaving a cruel peacefulness behind.

 

Making sure to turn off all the lights, the black-haired boy was ready to finish yet another working day. His tired muscles were screaming at him to get to bed fast and he couldn’t agree more.

 

Locking the library was faster than expected and Kaneki felt empty leaving the familiar place. He didn’t want to go back to his apartment, feeling the loneliness and the absence of warmth. In the library he was surrounded by tales and experiences, could hear the author’s whispering. He never was alone when he read and entering a dark ‘home’ took all of his security away. His apartment never seemed to forget to remind him of his introverted life without any friends or family. The cold rooms mocked him, daring to turn on the lights and face the nothingness.

 

A shudder ran down his back and Kaneki desperately tried to snuggle more into his coat. The streets were mostly empty and the boy watched the glowing lanterns. The shops were closed and the librarian walked down the way to anteiku. It wasn’t a detour but he had never taken this route before.

 

Kaneki found himself missing something important upon walking down the familiar route. He couldn’t lay his finger on it. That was, until his eyes catched a well known appearance.

 

The musician was just cleaning up his place, securing the guitar on his back, when brown met grey once more.

 

Kaneki averted his gaze, nibbling his lips worryingly. If the blond had really caught him staring, was he creeped out? Did he think of the black-haired boy as strange and awkward?

 

He tried to go past the musician but was surprised by a sudden voice speaking up.

 

“I- I really like your music.”

 

_Wait…. Did I just say that out loud?_

 

That was is. If the blond didn’t find him creepy before, he surely did now. Kaneki had fucked up and he didn’t even know this person! It shouldn’t matter to him what a mere stranger thought but the librarian couldn’t stop the clenching feeling in his heart.

 

“Really? I’m glad! Thank you so much for enjoying it and for telling me!”, an energetic voice said.

 

Head snapping back up, grey eyes studied the face of the musician. He had to be kidding. There was no way for him to act so nice after Kaneki’s embarrassing behaviour. But the boy couldn’t detect a single lie or doubt in these burning eyes and harmonic voice. The smile the musician sent him was brilliant and honest, making Kaneki relax a little.

 

“Your welcome…”, the librarian muttered. It seemed almost too much, looking straight at this bright smile and Kaneki knew he should be careful not to get addicted.

 

Catching himself staring, the black-haired boy coughed awkwardly and rubbed the back of his head.

 

“I… I’ll be going then.”

 

The careless and happy laugh sounded like music in his ears and Kaneki couldn’t bear it anymore. Not waiting for the musician’s answer, he started walking again, trying to hide his red face.

 

Walking casually but fast, the librarian knew it was just his luck to stumble over his own feet.Thankfully, he was able to find his balance, preventing himself from tumbling. The loud laughter he could hear didn’t help him cool down and Kaneki didn’t look back.

 

It didn’t take him long to reach his apartment and a curse left his mouth as he fumbled with his keys. Even though minutes had passed since his encounter with the blond, the librarian’s heart wouldn’t calm down, while the beautiful laugh still lingered in his ears.

 

Finally, after what seemed like hours, he managed to open the door and entered his oh so dear home. Turning on the lights, he was welcomed by grey walls and an empty living-room. Sighing, he put the keys on the table, hang his coat on the wardrobe and took off his shoes.

 

Walking into his bedroom, the black-haired boy began to change into more comfortable clothes and sat down on his bed, eying the door in front of him. His mind kept on going back to the way brown eyes seemed to warm his inside, speaking of security and serenity. Kaneki knew he should probably stop thinking about the musician, the way his laugh lifted the boy’s mood or how talented fingers moved over strings.

 

Laying on his stomach, Kaneki hugged the pillow and buried his face into it. He could feel his cheeks burning up and released a long whine into his cushion.

 

He _may_ have fallen for this stupid and stunning blond.

 

Literally.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The carefree laugh of the musician fused with his music and Kaneki was sure that this was one of the most beautiful sounds he would ever hear. Leaning back on his arms, the black-haired boy watched the peaceful scene in front of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a co op story between the beautiful and skillful artist [blackberrymilkshake](http://blackberrymilkshake.tumblr.com//) and me!!
> 
> [Her drawing for this chapter](http://blackberrymilkshake.tumblr.com/post/123885143588/no-you-wait-you-have-to-see-theres-the-head)

Black on white created a changing world in his mind, images were floating his consciousness. The buzzing of the bees became the sound of silence and the colorful flowers fused with the salvation of being swallowed. Losing himself between the lines, the boy couldn’t help but feel entranced by the way the protagonist described the fear of being alive. The pain of waking up in the morning haunted the character, each laughter tore a part of his life away. The beating of his heart had signed his death and the librarian tried to understand how the center of warmth could destroy the sanity.

 

The way the sun seemed to paint the grass in a hopeful green reminded Kaneki of a book cover stored in his library. It was a beautiful morning and spending his time in the parc with a new story to read was everything Kaneki could ask for. A smile lingered on his lips upon watching the little kids playing on the playground not too far away from him. Bubbles of laughter found their way over to him, joyful screams were heard while one after another used the slide. Grabbing for the candy floss cloud, the kids swung as high as they could. It was a peaceful moment and the black-haired boy couldn’t stop himself from enjoying the kids’ fun.

 

He never got to play with others, had always sat by himself. Though he hadn’t considered himself lonely. He found his peace and friends in books, listened quietly to the author’s whisper. He had always heard the figure’s words in his mind, saw the protagonists acting in front of him. But something had changed. The brunette hero in his current book merged with the sun and created a warm smile in his imagination, which threatened to burn him. In an ocean of gold arose brown roots, eyes like a hot chocolate after an exhausting winter’s day welcomed him.

 

Shaking his head, the librarian tried to stop thinking about _him_. Grey eyes wanted to focus on written tales, mind getting caught up in the foreign chapter. After all, the black-haired boy had stopped visiting the peaceful cafe after his embarrassing meeting with the blond. It had been 12 days since their last conversation and Kaneki had looked for another place to spend his break, ignoring eyes like the melting sun. Avoiding the musician wasn’t the best idea but the librarian knew he had to distance himself. The longing feeling in his chest had increased whenever grey laid upon talented fingers moving the strings, or obviously dyed hair. Kaneki yearned to see the blond again, to listen to his music. The musician’s presence calmed his heart and made him feel things he had never experienced before. But he couldn’t let the blond affect his life so much, couldn’t open his door for the musician in the desperate hope for acknowledgement.

 

Sighing, the black-haired boy told himself to stop thinking. He had read the same sentence over and over again, trying to understand the meaning of the words written down.

 

Looking one last time at the happy kids, Kaneki returned his attention to his book. There was no use thinking about someone who was too far away for you to reach.

 

* * *

 

He tried to play his disappointment down, acted as if the absence of the sun didn’t bother him.

 

If Kaneki would be honest with himself, he would admit that he had been looking forward to seeing the blond on his way home from the library. The black-haired boy sighed, he knew it had been a bad idea to look for the musician, but he couldn’t help himself.

 

It was true that he had distanced himself from the blond, thinking it would be better this way. A curse had left his lips upon walking down the painfully familiar path to the cafe. He hadn’t wanted to choose this way but it looked like his subconscious had lead him here.

 

Grey eyes had been focused on the ground, too afraid to look up and see the handsome musician. The silence had been unnerving and the librarian had wondered if the blond had made a break from playing his guitar. Kaneki had found his courage and scanned the streets, looking for the other.

 

But he hadn’t been there.

 

Defeated, the boy’s eyes wandered towards the sky. Stars were shining brightly above his head and Kaneki tried to recognize constellations. The boy remembered spending most of his evenings with his mother on their balcony, while she had explained the stars and showed him the many signs they formed together. Kaneki had been entranced by the flames in the night sky, tried to guess the shining stars’ memories.

  
The thought occured him that the musician resembled the lights in the night sky. His smile was shining down on the librarian, warm eyes saved him even in the darkest thoughts.

 

* * *

 

The black-haired boy didn’t know the songs the birds were singing but he was willing to listen and to learn. Book placed neatly in his lap, a small smile lingered on his face. It was a sunny friday afternoon and the library was closed. Taking a deep breath, Kaneki leaned back and enjoyed the smell of flowers and the comfortable warmth. It was nice to have a day off, even though the librarian didn’t know what to do with his free time. Maybe visit the bookstore? Or a nice cafe? He couldn’t decide but for now, he was happy sitting here in the parc again. The sun shone pleasantly on his skin, heat spreading through him. It wasn’t often that he sat in the sun but it welcomed him whenever she could. Grey eyes were closed and Kaneki wanted to listen to the children’s playful yells.

 

But there weren’t any.

 

Confused, the black-haired boy opened his eyes. Blinded by the sudden brightness, the librarian used his hand to shield his eyes from the light. Looking around, Kaneki searched for the kids who had been yelling a few minutes ago. He found them sitting on the playground and in front of the big whale, the one he used to climb up when he was younger. His mother had helped him getting up, the surface had been too slippery for him to overcome. He watched the children with interest, curious about their sudden stillness. Upon looking at the whale, Kaneki knew why they were quiet.

 

The blond musician sat on top of the playground equipment, guitar in his hand and a huge grin on his face.

 

 _Why? Why is he here?_ Kaneki had tried to avoid the boy as best as he could and here he was, sitting mere meters away.

 

Swallowing the lump in his throat, the librarian averted his gaze and clutched onto his book.

 

_It’s okay. Calm down._

 

Several deep breath helped him calm his racing heart and the boy looked up again.

 

He was greeted by eyes which reminded him of a book his father had used to read. It had welcomed him in his old apartment whenever he had entered his father’s room.

 

Unsure, Kaneki tried to smile back and he was sure he had failed upon seeing the other boy holding his hand in front of his mouth, trying to keep his laughter down. The librarian felt an unknown warmth spreading through his body, warming him. The idea of making the blond laugh was oddly charming and the black-haired boy found himself yearning for the sound. It was stupid but so was everything whenever he locked eyes with melted sunlight.

 

Kaneki was fine just watching the blond playing for the children, didn’t expect the musician to wave him over.

 

_Surely, he must mean someone else._

 

Turning around, the librarian looked out for the person the blond meant. Seeing no one, grey looked confused in the direction of brown eyes, which were rolled dramatically. The grin never left the musician’s face and he repeated the gesture.

 

Heart stopping a beat, the black-haired boy’s finger trembled while pointing at himself. Upon seeing the blond nodding, Kaneki felt the urge to scream. This couldn’t be real. Why the hell was the blond waving him over? It didn’t make any sense!

 

Clutching onto his book for support, the librarian stood up and walked over to the playground, eyes not daring to look up from the ground. It felt like hours and one step after another brought him closer. Feeling people staring at him, Kaneki wanted to back off. It made him feel uncomfortable, being the center of attention. Afraid of making a fool out of himself, he hold the book closer.

 

The protagonist in this novel had been accused for murdering her childhood friend. She had been walking down the street for her execution and the black-haired boy had been amazed by the genuine smile on her face while facing her death. Even though all the evidence pointed at her for being the murderer, Kaneki never saw her as one. She had loved her friend and was happy to embrace her death in order to see him again.

 

A hand appeared in front of him and Kaneki looked up. He saw the blond reaching down for him, outstretched hand offered to help him climb the whale. Sitting cross legged, the musician had one hand rested on top of his brown guitar, his clothes were a bit too big and hung loosely from his shoulders.

 

Letting go of his book with one hand, the librarian reached out and accepted the blond’s help. His hand was surprisingly cold and Kaneki was amazed by his tan. Skin darker than his own, the black-haired boy thought of himself as a ghost facing the embodiment of heat, afraid of being burned.

 

Kaneki yelped when the strong arm pulled him up and too soon he found himself sitting next to the blond. Grey eyes were locked on the book in his lap and neither of them said anything. Their shoulders touched from time to time and Kaneki desperately tried to control his breathing.

 

The silence was replaced by a tender sound and the librarian looked at fingers caressing strings. Soft notes were elicited and Kaneki was entranced by the way both hands were moving independently. He never got to play an instrument but he admired the people who were able to play them. The melody was a soothing one and the librarian blinked as soon as his shoulder touched something.

 

He backed off as soon as he realised what had happened. While the musician had played, kaneki had began to lean towards the music, eager to hear it more clearly. However, he hadn’t planned to rest against the blond. A quiet chuckle could be heard and grey met brown ones. It was cute, seeing laughter lines under his eyes and Kaneki was sure that the blond smiled a lot. Upon getting a closer look, the black-haired boy noticed the freckles covering the musician’s face, vanishing under the shirt. Seeing the freckled and tan skin combined with the blond hair reminded Kaneki of a sunflower and he smiled at this image.

 

The children sitting in front of them listened to the music, captured by the beautiful sound. Eyes kept on moving back to brown ones and something shone in them. Kaneki was startled when the melody suddenly changed, heard the kids’ excited yells as soon as the music became more lively.

 

Seeing the little ones starting to dance and run around made the librarian smile. He couldn’t remember the last time he had smiled so much but he didn’t mind. The carefree laugh of the musician fused with his music and Kaneki was sure that this was one of the most beautiful sounds he would ever hear. Leaning back on his arms, the black-haired boy watched the peaceful scene in front of him.

 

“Nagachika Hideyoshi.”

 

He was surprised to hear the musician’s voice and looked at him. As always he was greeted with a bright smile.

 

“My name. But for you, just Hide is fine.”

 

He felt the blood rushing into his face and prayed that the blush wasn’t as obvious as he feared it would be.

 

“K-Kaneki Ken.”

 

The blond — _Hide_ — nodded and averted his gaze to look at his hands for a moment. Kaneki noticed the change in the music as the lively and fast melody made place for something more calm and harmonic. It almost sounded like a lullaby and the librarian relaxed. The initial shyness and tenseness faded away and warmth spread through his body. It was amazing what music — and a certain musician — were able to pull off.

 

Little freckles covered skin like stars the night sky and the black-haired boy caught himself wondering if he would find constellations under the shirt. Shaking his head, Kaneki took a deep breath and watched the blond playing his brown guitar. Upon looking closer, the librarian noticed the stickers, which were covering the back of the instrument.

 

“Whenever I talk to a passerby, I ask them if they have a sticker. I don’t really care about money, I just want to collect memories. Hearing people talking about their experiences and memories makes me happy and I keep these as a memento.”

 

The blond smiled sheepishly and shrugged his shoulders. Kaneki only nodded in understanding. This boy resembled him a bit. While Kaneki enjoyed the whispering of authors, Hide wanted to listen to the stories of strangers. Both seemed to experience other’s thoughts in their own way and this realisation made Kaneki’s smile genuine.

 

“Come to think of it, I have a few stickers I still have to put on my guitar… Do you want to help me, Kaneki?”

 

The way his name was spoken filled the librarian with joy, warm eyes offered him a place to stay. He was surprised by the question, no one had asked him for help before. But Kaneki guessed that Hide wasn’t like everyone else. He was special and in these few moments they had spent together, he had made the black-haired boy smile multiply times. Thanks to the musician he felt alive, something he had only experienced through books. The blond made the day just a little bit brighter, the silence a bit more comfortable and it was enough for Kaneki.

 

“Sure, I would love to.”

 

The music stopped and the kids looked disappointed. Hide assured them to play soon again and with a huge grin, the children resumed their little games. Brown eyes watched the little ones running around and Kaneki admired his carefree nature.

 

Turning around, the musician grabbed his backpack and pulled out what looked like dozens of stickers. The librarian was impressed by the sheer amount, he never expected the blond to have so many.

 

Hide seemed to notice his surprised expression and sent him a toothy grin.

 

“I always wait until I have enough. Here.”

 

The blond offered him a few stickers and the black-haired boy reached out to accept them. Their fingers brushed, cold met warmth and Kaneki could feel his ears burning. Retracting his hand as if he got an electric shock, the boy didn’t dare to look up.

 

He examined the stickers and only now noticed the great variety. Some showed players from national teams, while others contained landmarks from different countries. it looked like the musician had a far-reaching audience and the pieces in his hands were evidence that Hide had talked with every single former owner. It was impressing but Kaneki felt the huge gap between their personalities once again. Hide may resemble him a bit but they were still as different as day and night.

 

Struggling to get the stickers off the paper, the boys sat in silence. From time to time the blond would tell Kaneki some trivial informations about the person who gave him a particular one. The black-haired boy enjoyed the other’s company and found himself being entranced by the way Hide excitedly spoke about his day, hobbies and thoughts. He didn’t mind the musician’s ramble or the fact that their shoulders brushed against each other now and then. He was happy.

 

_Happy._

 

Something he hadn’t experienced for a long time. The blond made him questioning his smiles whenever he read a good passage in one of his books. Feeling his cheeks hurt was a foreign feeling but the librarian couldn’t stop himself from laughing at Hide’s stupid jokes. The way the other talked passionately about music and people he met — It made Kaneki feel alive.

 

Soon the guitar’s back and edging were covered in colourful stickers, telling stories about different lives and experiences. But no memory could compare with the warm feeling in the librarian’s chest whenever the other smiled at him. It was amazing, how the grin always reached his eyes and showed his laughter lines. Kaneki had never seen such a cheerful and carefree person and he had been right — Hide was something else. Whenever the blond asked him about his hobbies, likes and colour of socks, the black-haired boy answered with a smile. With every question he felt his heart beating faster, found himself leaning closer. Brown held grey captive and the black-haired boy wondered how he got lucky to have met this boy.

 

* * *

 

“No, you— Wait, you have to— See? There’s the head an— Hide, no. Not there. Just look—”

 

A sigh escaped the librarian, finger pointed to the sky. Thousands of lighthouses were shining above their heads, leading the way for dreams and hopes. The boys sat next to each other on the playground, while Kaneki tried in vain to show Hide the ‘great bear’ in the night sky.

 

“Sorry, ‘Neki. But I only see the ‘big dipper’. Are you certain it’s there? I’m pretty sure that it’s hard to oversee a giant bear, you know?”

 

The smile plastered on the blond’s face didn’t prevent Kaneki from shoving his shoulder in a playful manner. He had laid down his shyness after dozens of jokes from the other. The librarian felt at ease, he could be his weird self in Hide’s presence and he hadn’t felt this comfortable outside the library for a long time.

 

“The ‘big dipper’ is a part of the ‘great bear’. It shines bright and is one of the most easily recognizable asterisms but it’s not a constellation itself and- are you even listening?”

 

“Of course, I am! I feel offended by the fact you thought I might not listen to this totally interesting and entertaining lecture.”, the blond gasped and hold his hand in front of his chest, showing his hurt feelings in a dramatic way.  

 

“Well, excuse me for interpreting your wandering eyes and fidging hands as a sign for boredom. I hope you can forgive me.”, the black-haired boy answered in a mocking tone.

 

Kaneki wasn’t used to give such replies but it felt natural and the grin on the blond’s face showed that he didn’t mind at all. It was amazing, how easily Hide discovered sides of him not even the librarian knew.

 

The musician acted as if he was stroking his invisible beard, eyes looking thoughtful. Grey eyes rolled at this and the black-haired boy wondered if the other was really his age.

 

“Your judgement hurt me, Neki. I don’t know if I’ll ever recover. You know, I’m a weak and fragile being and these emotional scars may never heal… But a coffee may ease the pain.”

 

_Wait… what?_

 

Was… was Hide asking him out?! Did the blond really want to meet him again? And was this considered a date or just a meeting between friends? What if he thought too much into it? The blond was good looking and likable, there was no way he wanted to date someone as awkward as the librarian. But what if—

 

“Wow, you okay there?”, a concerned voice interrupted his trail of thoughts.

 

Grey eyes looked up and met gentle brown, panic forgotten.

 

“I...I would love to.”

 

_There it was again, that bright and warm smile._

“Really? Great! When do you have time?” Kaneki was taken aback by the sheer excitement in the musician’s voice and a small smile lingered on his lips.

 

“I have to work tomorrow but we close around 4pm.”

 

“Cool, we’ll meet then!”, Hide grinned. Standing up, the blond stretched his muscles and complained about his sore legs. Kaneki stood up as well and together, they left the playground.

 

Standing under a lantern, they said goodbye and Kaneki blushed when arms laid around him for a second. It was a short-living hug but the bubbling feeling was still there.

 

“See ya tomorrow, Neki!”, Hide called out and waved before vanishing in the next street.

 

Minutes must have passed before the black-haired boy found the strength to walk home.

 

* * *

 

Laying down on his bed, Kaneki hugged his pillow. Grey walls seemed to glow in the moon’s light and touching his mouth, the librarian found a lingering smile there.

 

_Tomorrow, huh?_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhHHHH I'M SORRY THAT IT TOOK SO LONG! I hope you guys enjoyed it and thanks for all the motivating comments! Thank you for reading it!
> 
> my tumblr: [farbsturz](http://farbsturz.tumblr.com/)  
> my wonderful partner for this story: [blackberrymilkshake](http://blackberrymilkshake.tumblr.com//), please look at her beautiful hidekane art!!
> 
> beta'd by the amazing [amonseyebrowgame](http://amonseyebrowgame.tumblr.com//)

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr: my tumblr: [farbsturz](http://farbsturz.tumblr.com/)  
> my wonderful partner for this story: [blackberrymilkshake](http://blackberrymilkshake.tumblr.com//), please look at her beautiful hidekane art!!
> 
> beta'd by the amazing [hidebot](http://hidebot.tumblr.com/) please check her fics out!!


End file.
